The Sound of Silence – Can you Feel Me Now?

In October 1964, Simon and Garfunkel released their album “The Sound of Silence“. It struggled early on but became one of their legendary and well- known successes.

Recently, I heard a beautifully orchestrated and harmonized rendition by “Pentatonix” that just blew me out of the water. I listened intently and repeatedly. It was incredibly touching, you could actually hear and feel the sound of silence.

It is a feeling that has plagued me for several years, one that I have failed to understand. It’s a feeling like nothing I can put into words, as the song describes:

“Fools,” said I, “You do not know silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you, take my arms that I might reach you.”

But my words like silent raindrops fell and echoed in the wells of silence.

I pondered for several days and would sing the lyrics in my head over and over again. I related so deeply to people who choose to be silent, mute or tacit.

And I realized that silence can be loud and forceful and rather unsettling. It can host a very bold hatred and showcase ungracefulness. Imagine a piercing tone that causes deep wounds.

It reminds me of a magnitude of loud and boisterous noises all at once and you’re trying to identify the source and pinpoint the origin but you wind up spinning in a circle, covering your ears to lessen the blow.

Not how we think of the word, “Silence” from a general perspective, right? Its first impression is that of peace, solitude, and calmness.

Is there grace in silence? When we are still, praying in silence we are praising God, His love, and grace. The Bible tells us at times to be silent and still to honor God.  

We as Christians are taught what I call, “Basic Love Language”; love unconditionally, forgive others, give more than we take and find God’s grace in every mistake.

We are flawed and forgiven we are broken and restored all because He gave His only son. With that said, I would say yes, silence is a graceful word.

To the complete and utter contrary, there is a cancerous meaning, or better-stated, feeling to the word “silence”.  The song gives a clear depiction of the dark and evil side of it.

It describes the feelings of pain and ostracism, abandonment and isolation silence can have.   The noise of this type of silence can be very loud and volatile, especially to one’s soul. This part of the song identifies the deepest darkness:

And in the naked light I saw ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share and no one dared disturb the sound of silence.

One of the most confusing and hurtful family dynamics is just this. When a family chooses to resolve conflict or personality differences with silence, it is a gut-wrenching scenario. 

There is talk without speaking and people hear without listening. Everyone writing their own version of the story. The more time that passes the more damaging the darkness and absence becomes and the bigger the story grows, as does the resentment.

I speak from the heart on this subject, I have seen this within my family circle that dates back many years. Having had a very close-knit relationship with my mother, I saw her struggle with the pain of this and watched as the poison of ostracism plagued my family.  

I vowed early on in my life to take a stance against this in hopes of making a difference for my family.  When two people in the family are estranged, it spreads like cancer and the effects trickle down to innocent parties.

This hurts so many people, makes holidays, birthdays and special occasions strained. Inevitably someone else gets hurt or torn from one party to the other. This is the behavior we are modeling to the little ones within the family and that just adds to the sadness.

We are clearly saying this is okay and it is not.

I have spent countless hours trying to understand this from both a Christian and a generalized perspective. I have spoken with counselors from PhD to Pastoral ones, read several books, etc.  Trying to understand who, what, when, where and why. 

I know for those who are pushed away, shunned or ostracized the pain is deep. The facts are clear, everyone in this world needs to feel wanted, loved and included. Without these crucial elements present, the reality is immense pain and deafening silence.

Call it what you may, estrangement, ostracism, or the sound of silence, in any case, it is not healthy, not normal, not an act of love. It is lacking grace, it is cold, demeaning, and demoralizing to say the least.

One of the best books I have read on this subject and highly recommend is, “The Bait of Satan” by John Bevere. It clearly identifies how and why living offended is a tool of Satan to break down good and loving relationships.

We know that grace allows us to forgive and be forgiven, to love and be loved, even when we don’t deserve it. None of us are perfect; we are flawed, we are sinners, we are broken, we make mistakes and we get offended by others.

What makes the difference is how we respond.

The best quote that I think screams love and grace is from Ellen DeGeneres. She states,

“I am friends with George Bush, In fact, I am friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have. We are all different, and I think that we’ve forgotten that that’s okay that we’re all different”.

She also is quoted saying,

“I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another…” 

Her grace abounds in these quotes.

The sad part is, someone can choose to just eliminate you without your consent and sometimes without rhyme or reason, then you’re forced to just deal with it.

I do believe there are times and situations where you need to distance yourself or set boundaries that are loving and healthy, but never totally isolate or exclude.

Sometimes your positive affirmations and example is enough to make a difference in one’s life. It is rather biased that one person can choose or label another person as unworthy of their time, love and understanding based on their judgment.  

It’s like being handcuffed and punched and you’re totally defenseless. Your thoughts, your understanding, your feelings are meaningless and that is difficult, to say the least. Both Christianity and humanity are about the feeling of belonging, being included and being loved.

We can not make anyone love us or change their choice to eliminate us from being a part of their journey. We can make the effort to approach them from love and kindness and ask for forgiveness.

We can choose grace and love them regardless. We can forgive them and pray for those whose hearts are hardened beyond what we see and understand.

We can be a voice, be examples, speak and live the “Love Language” and help others see the difference.

We can reach out and touch countless people who carry this painful burden.